It isn't myrrh; it's me!

My goodness, what a busy season Christmas is. Ok, everyone is thinking "duh!"

With the kids not having school, the baking, the candy making, the everything, I realized I had become majorly lax in the hygiene department.

I cannot shower in the morning because everyone needs to be fed. I end up cleaning the kitchen. Then hubby gets up. We try and talk over the dull roar of the boys. Then it is time for HIS shower. This means there will be no hot water for a while. I don't think my shower time for the week adds up to his daily shower. I have tp pack his lunch.

This means that not only have I cooked breakfast, I probably have cooked lunch/dinner for his lunch box. While attempting to make truffles, fudge, or who knows what. The baby has been fed something off of a spoon, and the kids are working their way toward their third meal of the day (they are birds, I swear).

By the time he leaves for work, I am exhausted. A shower might perk me up, BUT

1) the baby inevitably is unhappy or wakes up

2) even over the water running I can hear the thundering hoofbeats of my kids

3) "Mom? The baby is crying"

or even better

4) "Mom, I have to poop and I need my privacy." Even though I am the one who will have to wipe his tush.

5) the white chocolate dipped pretzels setting on the waxed paper will dwindle by half.

So I skipped the shower. And skipped the shower. The PTA baths were working.

Until I caught sight of my hair.

Whoa.

I know some people can do the shampoo thing a few times a week, but with my baby fine hair? No.

I took my socks off and I swear, my jagged heel callouses snagged the cotton. As I rubbed some Vaseline on my heels, I noticed my pinky toenail was reaching new lengths. The kind that make your shoes not fit.

Good grief!

Between wrapping and shopping and cooking and cleaning and oh dear God did I wash diapers? Where are all the bibs?

I let myself fall to pieces.

Eyebrows? Mustache? Actual facial care routine? The huge zit forming on my nose says it all.

I try to floss my teeth and the phone rings. Again.

I am still in my pajama pants when the UPS guy comes.

At dinner time.

Today was the worst. I had showered yesterday (to the tune of the baby crying and "Mom, where's the remote?"). My cold went into that joyful chills/sweats phase. My sinuses let up enough today to give me a whiff of myself after 9 hours of sweating the crud out.

Oh boy. I could put a hat on my gnarly hair, but there was no covering up the sweats. I had to shower before we hit the library (lest we rack up major fines).

Naturally, the baby is crying before I am done, and I didn't even have time to shave my legs. Oh well, that's an extra layer of warmth, right? I am drying myself off as my offspring start moaning about how they are dying of thirst. Apparently they broke their legs in the five minutes I was allowed for hygiene. They also cannot hear their brother crying, a foot away from them, and think to give him a toy or smile at him or SOMETHING.

And you would think that the baby, who spends more time near my armpits more than anyone, would think that a shower is a good idea.

Once the baby nearly tore my eye out with his jagged little fingernails, I realized I had been neglecting them as well. We had a major nail clipping party, much to their dismay. They hate getting their toenails trimmed, even if it means their shoes will actually fit again. I have had to sit next to them during their Wow Wow Wubbzy trance to sneak some fingers in.

Ah, Christmas. It's the most wonderful time of the year, right?